"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
not ubering you a puppy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
