He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
