i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
