Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
