ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
