you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
