nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
