You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
