I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize