my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
