I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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