Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
