I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
