Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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