So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
foreskin is a definite game changer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
