Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
