I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
