So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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