I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
