I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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