we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's like iHOP with fire
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
