i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
