I am puke
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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