We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
