Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am spending my child support on dildos
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
