I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
