i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
