I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
