I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
