Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
