i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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