so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
