well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
