He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
