The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
