The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
