My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize