I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
