so that wasnt chicken after all
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
