You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize