you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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