chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
