dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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