I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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