You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
