Betty ford says i'm here all night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
