Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
