Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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