The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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