first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
