Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
