they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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