you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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