i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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