my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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