your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
