last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
