I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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