your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
