whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
