i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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