Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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