So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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