dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize