i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
