Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
