I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
