well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize