THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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