hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
