I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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