I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
