i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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