Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
