so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
