i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
