Please, let me fuck your mom
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
