We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
