Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
