The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
