Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
