She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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