well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
