Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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