remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
