so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
