Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize