Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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