So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
