Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
