You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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