On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
