Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
