i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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