i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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