At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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