she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize