i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
