I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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