question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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