My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
